Temporary Happiness

Lately happiness seems to be just out of arms reach. Sometimes I think I was never meant to be happy, maybe it's just not part of who I am. Maybe there's some kind of happy gene God left out when He made me. Maybe I'm just not good at being happy or maybe I don't even know how. Sometimes I think I am scared of true happiness because I know it will only eventually be ripped away from me. Maybe I don't deserve to be happy anyway and all my misery is my own fault. From the outside looking in, you would never know, would never see the pain I hide on the inside. I'm so good at fake smiles, at false acts. I'm a pro at putting on a happy facade. When it comes to actually being happy, I just can't do it. It doesn't matter how much practice I have had at fake happy, real happy just seems so unnatural to me. Real happy is so...temporary.